Hey You Stop Drawing That Crap

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This page lists protagonist, pedestrian, and law enforcement dialogue in Grand Theft Auto V.

Michael De Santa

Greetings

Greeting pedestrians

Hello, sweetheart!
Hey, buddy! What's up?
What's up, amigo?
Peace, brother.
Yeah, how are you? (If they reply kindly)
Hello, and how are ya?
Hey, pal.

Greeting Jimmy

Jimbo!
James.
Jimmy!
I love you, son.
Hey, Jimmy.
Hey, Jim.
Hey, son.

Note: Dialogues after Reuniting the Family remains the same as before Did somebody say Yoga?

Entering his house before Did Somebody Say Yoga?

Honey, I'm home.
Big daddy's home, as if anyone gives a shit.
Anyone wanna pour daddy a whiskey? No?
The guy who pays the bills is here.
Is peace and quiet too much to ask for?

Entering his house before Reuniting the Family

Hello?
Anyone?
Anyone come back?
Just a big, empty house.

Entering his house after Reuniting the Family

Oh, family! I'm home!
Hey, your dad's back!
Daddy's back, bitches!
Big daddy in the house!
I'm still alive, in case you're wondering.
Yeah, it was a tough day at the office, thanks for asking.

Greeting Amanda after they have been reunited

Hello, my darling wife!
Hey, Amanda! What's up? All good?
Do you forgive me, Amanda? For all I've done?
Mand, you okay?
Are we going to be okay, Amanda?
How you doing?
All good with you?
Hey, Amanda.
Hey, my dear wife.
Hey, you good?

Greeting Tracey

Tracey!
All good, Trace?
Hey, Tracey.
Hey, Trace.
What's going on, Trace?
I love you, Trace!

Greeting Eva

Hey, Eva. Keep doing what you're doing!
Hey, Eva. Keep working hard. I love it!
Hey, Eva. Keep looking after us.
Hey, Eva.

Greeting Carlos

Carlos! My man!
Hey, Carlos!
Keep working hard, Carlos!

Greeting a police officer

Male

Hi, officer.
Hey, officer.
Well... hello, officer.

Female

Hello, sir... I mean madam... I mean... whatever.

Greeting a poor person or gangster

Wassup, homie.
Hey, take care of yourself

General conversation

After a pedestrian tells a story

Well, that's America for ya.
You must really worry your family.
No, no, really, that's fascinating.
And I thought I needed therapy.
I think you need probably to shrink!
Whoa!

While flirting with a private dancer

Hmm, sounds interesting!
Sounds like a plan!
You seem like a nice girl!
You could make an old man very happy!
Well that's an interesting way of saying things!
Well, aren't you a nice girl?

When the player calls to hangout and does not arrive with a vehicle

Michael to Trevor

Come on T, Where's your car?

Michael to Franklin

When tasting a drink

Good

Oooh, that's nice!
Oh sweet! Mmm, nice!
That's just what I needed.

Bad

Oh! That is foul.
The fuck is this dog piss?
Oh, Jesus! That is horrible!

When the driver is going fast

Where's the fire?
Hey what's the hurry?
Okay, let's get there.
Alright, let's go!

When the driver is going slow

Come on, pick it up will ya?
Oh, what is this? A funeral procession?
Ah, you do know how to use the gas right?

Collisions

Bumping into someone on foot

Hey, sorry.
Look out!
Excuse me!
Move, will ya? (if wanted or Michael angry)

If bumped into on foot

What are you, fucking drunk?
Back off.
Hey!
Hey, watch it.

After running someone over

Sorry! Not really! (If wanted or Michael angry)
Damnit! Shit! (if wanted or Michael angry)
What's wrong with you? (if wanted or Michael angry)
Let fucking move! (If wanted or Michael angry)
Aaahhh... Fuck! (If wanted or Michael Angry)
I'm sorry about that.
Oh shit, sorry!
Forgive me!
Get out of the fucking way.
Sorry!

After the driver runs someone over

What, you see em?
They okay?
Nice work.
Ah, you just hit em!
I ain't in this car.

After running over a relative or friend

Oh, fuck! No!
No! NO!
Shit! Shit, NO!

After a crash

Car

Damn!
You... fool!
You...fucking dick!
Ah, for fuck's sake!
This was a nice car!
You know how much this car costs!?
Hey, you selfish prick!
You entitled piece of shit!
I liked this car!
Ohh! You screwed up my car!
Hey, the car!
What, you don't see me driving!?
So you're gonna drive into me!?
I've seen some bad drivers, but you... whoo-hoo-ho!

Generic

Damn!
You... fool!
Look the fuck out!
You fucking idiot!
Ya moron!
Watch the fuck out will ya?
Ah shit!
Hey you hit me!

After a crash while wanted or Michael angry

I ain't got time to swap details, asshole!
Ahh... Fuck off!
Fuck you, you hit me!
Ah, for fuck's sake!
I ain't got time for this crap right now!
Fuck!
Look the fuck out, will ya?
Not now!
You fucking idiot!
WTF is wrong with you?
Aaahhh... Shit!
Goddammit! Fuck! Not the car!

If another protagonist crashes the vehicle

Car

Jesus!
Real smooth, bro!
Nice driving.
Hey, no more of that!
Don't crash this car again!

Generic

Fucking idiot!
Be careful!
Calm it down!
Chill the fuck out!
Hey, hey!

Interrupts (while in conversation)

Crap!
Shit!
What?
Watch out!
Oh no.

If another protagonist rolls over the vehicle

Argh, we're flipped!
Nice work. We rolled.
Beautiful driving! You flipped us!

If another protagonist sets the vehicle on fire

Oh! We're on fire!
Hey! There's a fire!
We're burnin'!

Jumping

When the driver hits a jump

Ohh, baby you went off that thing!
Whoo! You hit that jump!

Near-Miss

After a near miss

You got lucky, buddy!
Whoo! Too close!
Whoa!
Shit!
Look out!
Fuck! (If wanted or Michael angry)
Shit (if wanted or Michael angry
Damn! (if wanted or Michael angry))

Fighting

Generic fighting

It's on!
Come on then!
This ought to be interesting!
Let's roll, fuckhead!
Remember, I'm a bad person!

Encouraging a friend to fight

Go on! You got this idiot!
Finish it!
Come on! Finish this crap!

Insulting NPC

You're fucking dead!
Hit me, then!
Let's roll, fuckhead!
It's on!
Remember, I'm a bad person!
Come on, then!
Run away from me!
You know what? You should see a doctor for that shit.
You're really making my skin crawl!
YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL!
You know what? You are one nasty fuck!
You think you FUCKIN' SCARE ME?!!
You know something, YOU'RE FUCKIN' PATHETIC!
You should get some help with that personality of yours!
Why do you exist?!
Hey, you! Really?!
Why don't you fuck off?!
Yeah, you! Fuck off! NOW!
You define everything that's wrong with this place!
When I say you suck, I mean you really suck.
What exactly is wrong with you?
THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT TO YOU!
Why are you still breathing?!
How the fuck are you alive?!
Go fuck yourself!
I just hope you have proper hatred for yourself!
Fuck you!
Oh... Fuck off!
Hit me then!
You make me want to puke!
STAY DOWN!-->

Shooting

When drawing a weapon

Alrighty then, let's have a little chat!
You wanna make something outta this!?
I'm sorry, where were we?
What's going on with you, dickhead?
Alrighty then, let's party!
So, how ya doing?
You gotta a problem with me?
Haha, you think you're tough don't you?

When shooting a person

Yeah? Yeah?!
Ain't the American Dream grand!
Come on, kill me! I need something to talk to my shrink about!
Come on, motherfuckers shoot me back!
SO KILL ME!
Ain't this a barrel of fun!
OK, let's go, people!
OK, let's do this thing!
I guess I'm not having a very good day!
I guess this is how the fuck it is!
So, you wanna join the party?
I know, I know, it ain't fuckin' cool!
Yeah, I'm an old fatass fucker with a gun!
Hey! You want me? Kill me!
Fuck all you fucking fucks!
Uh huh?! What?! YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?!
Yeah... I guess that settles that, MOTHERFUCKER!
Ain't this nice?
Yeah? Fucking yeah?!
Are we having fun now?
I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!

Blind rage

Fuck all of you!
You're fucking dead!
You have a fucking clue who you're fucking with!?
Yeah? Yeah!? FUCKIN' YEAH!?
Come on! Come on motherfuckers! Come on!
FUCK! YOU!
Come on, let's end this shit!
Kill me then!
You motherfuckers!

Killing

Killing another person

Well, that's that!
Next time, you'll listen. Well, you know what I mean.
So sorry.
Sorry about that.
Now maybe you'll shut up and listen!
Oh, sorry about that!
And now you're history!
Sorry!

Killing a friend

Franklin

Shit, Franklin!
Oh no! Frank!
You poor fucking kid!
No! Franklin!

Trevor

T! Fuck!
Shit, T!
T, brother, fuck!
T!

When hitting an animal

Birds

Ohhh! I got dive bombed!
Fucking feathers!
Dumb bird.
You got the whole fucking sky to fly in.

Deer

Well, beats being shot by a dick with a crossbow.
Hey, they need to be culled.

Dogs

That's the owner's fault.
The fuck... why weren't you tied up?

Horse (unused)

Ah you're heading to the glue factory
Somebody shoot him!

Off-road animals (generic)

And that's one for the pot!
I know what I'm having for dinner!
You shoulda heard me comin'!
Evolve some ears!

On-road animals (generic)

Ah, dumb animal.
Get outta the road you stupid beast!
Natural fuckin' selection!
Wrong time to cross!

Stealing

While stealing a car

Keep cool-io, baby! It's just a car!
Ah, it's insured! Don't be a dick!
Vamos the car, amigo!
I need to borrow your car, lady!
I'm gonna be using your car!
Out! Get out!
Get the fuck out of here!
Sorry... but I need this!
Don't act like a tough guy!
Alright, let's go!
Come on, lady. Don't fight it.
Forgive me, sweetheart!
Alright, come on, come on, out!
Move! Move! Let's move!
Sorry, lady! Nothing personal.
Let's go, now!

While stealing a car with a wanted level

Get outta there, bitch!
Oh, stay cool, pal!
Don't be a fucking hero!
Get out!
Get the fuck out of the car!
Get out, buddy!
Move your ass!
Move that sweet ass!

While stealing a motorcycle

Gimme that fucking bike!
I need that bike!
Get off that thing!
Say, can I borrow your bike for a minute? Or six?
Don't mind I will borrow this for a while, do ya?

Stealing a vehicle with a dead person inside

I hate to do this...
I hope you didn't shit yourself.
The dead don't drive.
Sorry, pal!
Excuse me! (if wanted or Michael angry)

Holding up a 24/7, LTD or Liquor Store

Pointing weapon

Clean out that register now!
Give me whatever you got in the register!
No heroics! Just give me what's in the register!
Stay calm and clean out your register!

Using weapon

Come on! Faster!
Hurry up!
I'm waiting!

Taxi

Hailing a taxi

Taxi!
Mister Taxi!
Taxi! Here!
Yo, taxi!
Cab!
Taxi, here! Quick! (if wanted or Michael angry)
Hey!

Speed up

Let's go!
Come on! Get the lead out!
Come on buddy, let's go!

Change destination

Hey, change of plan.
Actually, I gotta change of plan.
New plan, I changed my mind.

Being arrested

While being arrested/busted

I know people, pal!
Well done, pal.
Ah, shut your fuckin' mouth.

Angry

General rage

You are outta control!
Oh, you're a psycho, you know that!?
Where the hell do you get off!?
Eh, show me some respect!

If a vehicle engine won't start

Come on!
Let's go! Fuck!
Start up, you piece of shit!
Come on! (if Michael Angry)
Not now! (If Michael angry)
AAAAHHHH! FUCKING START! (if Michael Angry)

If Franklin or Trevor shoots or fires rockets at his safehouse

Stop shooting up my house!
Stop firing rockets at my house!

If the cops are called

Ah, just in case I wasn't having enough fun already!
Great... Cops... Fuckin' beautiful.
Ahhh, crap!

Being chased by police

Alright, this is gonna get nasty, bro!
Hey why are we doing this, bro? Come on.
Please, why can't we just forget all about it.
Getting too old for this bullshit!
You're young enough to be my son.
You're an eager fucking beaver pal!
Oh, please, give it up already!

If a vending machine doesn't dispense an item

What!?
Okay, where the fuck is it?
Argh, you're stealing my fuckin' money!

Miscellaneous

Curse (mild)

What is this bullshit?!
What is this shit?!
Bullshit!
Damn!
Shit!
Motherfucker!
Ahhh no, fuck.
Ah, this is total bullshit!
Ah, crap!
Ahh, shit.

Curse (strong)

Motherfucker!
Ahh... fucking fuck!
Ah, for fuck's sake!
Goddamnit!
Fuck!
Fuck this crap!

Insults

Insulting Ron

You're pretty creepy.
Well, if it ain't Trevor's weird buddy.
Hey, Trevor's weird friend!
Ah, you're Trevor's creepy friend.
Oh, it's Trevor's even weirder friend!

If Franklin follows him

Are you following me, kid?
What, is this a joke, kid?
I ain't finding this funny.
Hey. Back off, kid.
Will you fuck off?
Seriously, stop the stalking.
Hey, I'm serious. Get lost.

If Trevor follows him

Listen, will you stop following me?
Could you please stop following me?
T, stop fucking following me.
T, give me a break.
Come on T, knock it off.
Alright, that's enough! Just fuck off!
Will you fuck off, T?

Before knocking out the protagonist following him for a long duration

Okay, your choice, funny guy.
Alright, alright. You win.
Alright then, come on!

Injured

Getting up after being hurt

Oh, man... Ow!
Ow, man, that... Wow!
Arrgh, Jesus!
Ah crap, that hurt!
Ah, shit!

Spooked

Startled

JESUS!
WHAT THE FUCK!

By other protagonists

You are out of control!

If the player points a firearm at Michael

Oh, I got one too!
Holster it!
Put it away!

Enemies

Trying to lose an enemy

Get lost!
Argh, please, go away!
Come on, get lost!
Get the hell outta here!
Get off my ass!

Trying to find an enemy

Where is this prick?
Argh, where is that guy!?
Where the FUCK is that guy?

Spotting an enemy

There he is!
What, there, there he is!
Got him, over there!

Behind

Fuck, behind you!
Look behind you!
There, behind you, look out!

In front

Right there!
Right in front!
There, right in front of you!

Below

Look down there!
There, down there!
There he is, down there!

Above

He's up there!
Look up there!
Look up!

To left

Left!
There, left!
Look left!

To right

Right!
Look right!
On the right!

Switch Scenes

Not being let in Lesbianco

Fuck you! I'm somebody now!
Like fuck you don't know who I am!
Hey, Eyefind me, asshole. I'm in the business. *Angry grunt*
I don't know him, I WORK WITH HIM!

After having lunch with Solomon

See you later, Solly!
*Chuckle* Great lunch, amigo!

After getting a coffee

Ohh, I need an upper.
Ohh, everything hurts.
Uhh, stimulants.

Trevor Philips

Greetings

Greeting/insulting Amanda

So, how've you been, Amanda?
I miss the old days... good times, watching you shake it.
How did you two stay married?
Still stripping so much, Amanda?
Do you think of me as the one that got away ?
Oh, Amanda!
Why hello, Amanda!
Amanda! I love you!
Are those lips fake as well or just the tits?
Are you glad that me and Michael are friends again?

Greeting/insulting Tracey

My God, you used to be such a nice girl.
You're an embarrassment even to your loser of a father!
Get a job, you lazy slut!
Adolescence hasn't been so kind to you, has it?
You're breaking your father's heart, you little tramp.
Wow - you've really let yourself go.

Greeting/insulting Jimmy

Oh, Jimmy - you're everything that's wrong with the future!
Oh, you really are a sad bastard!
Jimmy, seriously, your tattoos are lame.
Jimmy... man, I feel so bad for you.
Jimmy, my boy - you've got to take some exercise.
You annoying fat turd.
You poor fat fuck.
Poor little Jimmy - I bet that blubber has shrunk your cock.

Greeting/insulting Ron

Ron, you're awful. In every way.
I've met pond slime with more personality.
Even your conspiracy theories suck, amigo.
Oh... You sad, wretched fool.
You're pathetic.
My God, you're pathetic, Ron. Pathetic.
You need a lot of help.
You're a creepy, paranoid wreck of a man.
My God, I cannot believe we are friends.
You really are a sad excuse for a man.

General insults to NPCs

You're a waste of space on this earth!
You look like you struggle with simple tasks.
You make me want a lobotomy.
You make me wanna emigrate.
You're a total moron.
You dumbass!
You hideous mistake!
You moron!
You depressing afterthought.
Oh, you really suck!
You are utterly ridiculous!
You are an asshole!
Idiot!
Brainless fool!
I've trodden shits with more brains.
Listen, nobody likes you.
Listen, even your parents can't stand you.
HOW are you allowed to walk the streets, MORON?
Did you lose a very big bet?
Why hasn't someone sensible shot you yet?
Why, oh, why do you exist?
You puddle of vomit!
YOU PILE OF SICK!
TWAT!
IDIOT!
Why, oh, why weren't you drowned at birth?
Oh, you give me hives!
Fool!
Moron!
You fool!
You chump!
TURD!
You are such an ass!
You asshole!
You are an idiot!

If threatened

Okay, sugar, hit me.
Come on! Punish me!
Make me cry; come on, make me cry!
Come on, make me suffer!
Let's see what ya got!
You're dead!
You're a dead fuck!
Let's go, cupcake!
Fuck you!

During a melee fight

Oh, please. Go and hurt yourself!
Oh, please. Go jump off a cliff!
Fuck you, charming! Fuck! You!
You are an annoying shit!
Go and fuck yourself.

Losing his temper after being followed by Michael or Franklin

You really are an annoying PRICK!
Leave. Me. ALONE!
And... GO TO SLEEP!
Someone wants to be knocked out and MOLESTED!

Assaulting a pedestrian

Get up!
Did that hurt a little?!
Oh, sorry I hurt you!

Reloading a weapon

I'm just fillin' up!
Out of bullets!
Reloading!
Just reloading!
I gotta reload!
I'm out!

Hailing a cab

TAXI!
Taximan!
Stop your fucking car!

Flirting with a stripper

You're beautiful, just like me.
My mother was a stripper once.
I think I love you!
I'm in love. I love you!

Visiting the Epsilon Program website

If I wanted to be in a cult, I'd have started one.
I'm beyond saving.
Poor, confused souls.

Taunting cops

You, my friend have found your level in life... You've joined a society of morons called the police force!
Nice name badge! ...But they misspelt 'dick'.
Let's be clear. Only an idiot joins the cops! ...See? You don't even understand simple sentences!
Oh, you look so... tough, officer! ...I know you were bullied in school.
Aren't you just a great example to us all? ...Living proof that shit can talk!
Hey......Aren't you cool? ...I was being sarcastic. You look like a twat.
Does parking orders get you excited? ...Or do you prefer beating up suspects?
I bet you love giving orders... And arresting jaywalkers and tourists...
What exactly are you looking at? ...Because I'm looking at a turd.
Nice uniform! ...But you should be working in Burger Shot!
The police force, now that's a bad joke! ...Police "farce" would be a better name.
You look ridiculous in that uniform. But I bet you're probably used to looking ridiculous.
How did you get in the police force? ...You look like you belong in a mental home.

Taunting the Overweight or Obese (most fat people will start to run away after the second insult)

What's your problem, fatso? ...I SAID: "What's your problem, fatso?!" ...Oh, come on! Where's your sense of humor? DID YA EAT IT?!
Ever tried to exercise, pork chop?... And I don't mean just your arm. (If the NPC starts to run) OH, there you go! SEE? THAT'S NOT SO BAD!
You are... LARGE, my friend. ...I mean, LARGE. LIKE A BIG THING! ...And boy, Sou you wobble when you move!
Hey, Pork Chop! How's it going? ...I SAID... "How's it going?!" PORK CHOP! ...Well that's not very friendly, is it?!
So, uh... Do chubby chasers seek you out? ...I mean, I can see it being fun having a BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCY! ...Hey, where are you going? I was enjoying that thought!
You are a big hunk o' love, aren't you?
Wow... you are BIG! ...I mean, you're the size of a house!
Have you tried exercising, pork chop? ...And I don't mean just your arms. See, there you go!
Food is a drug, and you're an addict. ...For some it's junk but for you is CHEEEESE CAKE! ...But you all rehab just the same!

Taunting Hipsters

You're about as alternative... as a dog turd!
I bet you have a vagina! (Insulting male hipster)
Hipster, hipster, hipster!
Let's be clear. You look like a tick.
You're part of the problem...

Taunting the homeless

Come on, sort yourself out! ...FOR FUCK'S SAKE, make some changes! ...It's not me you are running away from, it's YOURSELF!
You stink. ...I mean, you really stink. It's revolting. ...You really stink, its not an insult!
You are so... miserable. ...I mean, come on, SMILE! ...I am just being friendly!
Oh please, just take a bath, will you? ...And stop acting all "CRAY-ZAY"!
I feel bad for you... You're completely lost.
Hey, we all love drinks and drugs, pal. ...But I pay for mine. ...Oh yeah, run away you leech!
Get some help my friend.
You depressed me friend. ...So......DEPRESSING! ...You even run in a depressing way!
Oh great, a stinky crazy person. ...How very original. ...Get some help, its pathetic!
You're not crazy, you're lazy. ...There's a difference, you're a faker.
You have to do some changing... And I don't mean just your clothes... Okay, first step: jogging!
Poor people are all the same. ...Complain, complain, COMPLAIN! ...It's ALL you ever do!
You are lost, my friend.
Stop pretending to be crazy. I mean, it's not fooling anyone! You are just a liar - fooling everyone!
What's it like on your planet? ...I mean, it don't look like a lot of fun! ...You'll be happier back on earth!

Taunting gang members or rough individuals

Is it true you share girls around? ...Because I find that kind of creepy.
I've met tougher boy scouts. ...In fact I've met tougher girl guides.
Hey, hardman: FUCK YOU! ...Yeah, I said, FUCK YOU!
Hey tough guy! Yeah, YOU! ...You and your friends want to fight?
Are you boys for real? ...Or are you off to a fancy dress party?
I have confused thoughts about other men! ...So I stick in a gang with guys, just like me!
Is the circle jerking stuff as much fun as it sounds? ...And can I join in pal? Pretty please?
Hi, I'm a real individual. ...So I joined a gang.
Well, my, my - aren't we all very tough?
Hey buddy, come out of the closet! ...It's not a good look anymore!
You look like an ugly woman. ...Having a really bad menstrual cycle.
You only act tough in your little gang! ...It really is pathetic.
I am a gay, so I join a gang!
I am in a gang. ...Uh! I am really tough! ...So, well - it's OK when I jerk off my buddies!
You and your friends seem really sad! ...Like you watch too many silly movies!
Hey, pal - drop the 'hardman' act. ...It ain't fooling anyone.
OOOH~TOUGH GUY!!!!!!!
You don't look cool, kids! ...You look like dicks!

Taunting elderly people (most elderly people will start to run away after the second insult)

You depressing, old prune. ...You're entirely dried out. ...Like a great salt flat of sorrow and decay!
You old people are all the same. ...Complain. Complain. Complain! ...But you never wanna hear someone else's opinion, do you!?
Oh, old people are so depressing. ...You're like a broken machine. ...Hey! At least you can still run!
What are you looking at you old turd? ...I said, what are you looking at! ...Yeah, run away! I've had enough of you!
Oh, piss off. ...I mean it, piss off! You're depressing me. ...Thank you, that's better!
At least your generation can be proud. ...You totally destroyed the world. ...So you can die with a smile on your face!
You come from the most selfish generation. ...You've entirely destroyed the planet!
Oh, stop complaining! ...It's all you old people do! ...There! Isn't jogging more fun than complaining?
All you old people do is whine. ...And moan and complain and choke! ...You can learn a lot from me!
Stop looking so miserable. ...I mean, come on. Smile!
You make me a big fan of euthanasia. ...I mean, the world has had enough of you. ...It's a bit late to take up jogging!
The greatest generation, my ass. ...All you lot do is moan, moan, moan, moan, moan! ...MOAN, MOAN, MOAN!
You're well past your sell-by date. ...I mean, you should be put out to pasture.
Well done with destroying the world! ...Yours is the worst generation in history!

After bumping into an NPC

Would you open your fucking eyes?
Oh, by the way, that's entirely your fault!
Get the fuck out of my way!
Look the fuck out!
Blind fool!
This car is gonna be parked outside your house!

If bumped into

Everyone wants to rub up on T.
You gonna say sorry?
Now what was that for?
Oh, ah baby, that hurts so good!
You trying to get my stink on ya?

After running over an NPC with a vehicle

Oh, I gotta get my eyes checked!
Stop annoying me!
You only have yourself to blame!
Get out of the way!
Now get up!
Oh, I'm so sorry!

Getting a Wanted Level

Great, police.
Wonderful, and my tax dollars hard at work!
Shit! Cops.

During a shootout

Havin' fun, cunts?
YEAH?!
Screw you!
Trevor-motherfucking-Philips! That's me!
Trevor Philips. REMEMBER THAT.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!
Piece of shit!
Fuck you!
Ain't this dandy?!
Come on, asshole!
I WILL EAT YOU!

If all armed enemies are killed

Is that it? Is that the lot of you?! Fuckin' pathetic!
You lot really were pathetic!

After killing someone

GOODBYE! From me!
Bye, bye.
Trevor. Phillips. Remember that. (When shooting and killing someone)
That'll teach ya... something or other.
I told you not to fuck with me!
WELL, I GUESS THAT'LL TEACH YOU!
You deserve that, you idiot!
Look at me. What'd ya expect?
Sorry, pal!
Now you are as dumb as you look!
It's nap time, kids!

Hijacking a car with a dead person inside

I'll see this put to use!
Excuse me!
Well, YOU DON'T NEED IT!
If ya ain't using it...

If angered

Shit, shit, SHIT!
Well, I'll be fucked!
Crap!
Damn!
Oh, shit!
Bullshit!
Fuck me!
Fucking fuck.
For fuck's sakes!
Good Lord above!
FUCK!

If another protagonist crashes the vehicle

Give your passengers some warning, eh?
Little miscalculation there!
Hey, whoa!
Would you look out?!
Careful, eh!
How about I smash something you love, like your face?! (hanging with Franklin or Michael)

If a vehicle engine won't start

Argh... start, you piece of shit!
Start, you turd!
Argh... come on!
Come on, go!
START, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! (If wanted)
Mmm... Let's go!

Running over an animal

Birds:
- Oh, bird ingestion!
- That's a bird strike!
- Bird hit!
- Bird strike!
Chickens:
- Learn to fly.
- (sarcastically) Cluck, cluck!
- Sorry, chook.
Coyotes:
- Guess it's coyote for dinner.
- Mmm, smells like coyote guts.
- That was a coyote, that was definitely a coyote.
- Coyote, coyote, coyote, definitely a coyote.
Deer:
- Deer, oh dear! Deer.
- Whoo! Venison steaks all around!
Dogs:
- Ahh! Sorry dog!
- Oh, tough break Rover.
Horses (unused):
- Ohhh, sorry horsie!
- Your galloping days are over, my friend.
Cougars:
- Not so tough now.
- Flat cat!
- Didn't even put up a fight!
Generic offroad:
- 10 points!
- Top of the food chain!
- The apex predator in action!
- You'll never win that one, little guy.
Generic onroad:
- STAY OFF THE ROAD!
- Squish!
- They're cute, but they're stupid.
- They gotta put up an animal crossing sign.
Angry (offroad):
- (frustrated yell) LOOK OUT!!
- MOOOOVE!! (frustrated yell)
- GET OUT--!! (frustrated yell)
While angry (onroad):
- DUMB ANIMAL!!
- MOVE!
- C'mon, MOOOVE!!
While drunk (offroad):
- Come on, move!
- Stay away from me, you hear?!
While drunk (onroad):
- (acts as if surprised)
- Stupid animal!

Falling down or getting run over

Ow, ow, OW!
Oh... gimme a break.
Ahh... Fuck!
Unh! Man!
Oh... that hurt!

Stealing a car

It's just a possession - let it go! Now!
Come on, my dear! Walking's fun!
This is just a robbery!
You're getting robbed!
Let's go!
Out you get buddy!
Move!
Don't be a hero now!
Trust me. You don't want to carpool with me!
Hey pal, out!
Jackass! You're getting robbed!
STAY MOTHERFUCKING COOL! (If wanted)

If Franklin or Michael shoots or fires rockets at Trevor's safehouse

Stop shooting at my home!
Stop firing rockets at my home, please.

If the player points a firearm at Trevor

You getting off on this, little man?
This, uhh.. power thing, buddy?
Come on then, do it!

In a car crash

You wanna end up in the trunk of this thing?
This car is going to be parked outside YOUR house!
I'm making a personal injury claim!
We're swapping insurance details!
You hit me!
That was entirely YOUR FAULT!
I just hope that broke your Goddamn neck!
This is a fine automobile.

If Trevor has a near miss

That was close!
Missed me!
Lucky miss!
Ooh!

Special ability

It's Trevor time!
LETS PARTY, GENTLEMEN!
YOU WANNA PARTY, HUH?!
C'MON KIDS! LET'S PARTY!
LET'S GO! LET'S GO!
Helloooooo?! Who wants some noooww!?
MY NAME'S TREVOR! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Oh God, give me the strength!
Lord give me strength!
Somebody, please!
Is there anybody here to Goddamn kill!?
WHERE ARE YOU ASSHOLES HIDING?!
WHERE ARE YOU PRICKS?!
COME HERE! SOMEBODY COME, HERE!
Ah, assholes, HELLOOOO?!
OHH, LORD HELP ME!!!
AWHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Holding up a 24/7, LTD or Liquor Store

Come on! Empty the register! Now! (pointing weapon)
Let's empty that register, now! (pointing weapon)
Okay! Empty the register, now! (pointing weapon)
Okay, I'm going to need all your money! Now! (pointing weapon)

Switch Scenes

Driving with another Faggio rider

We are scooter brothers. Scooter brother.
Come on, scooter brother! Let's go, scooter brother!
We are brothers on scooters!
Scooter brother!
Where are we going today, scooter brother?
We will go on a journey, a journey of scooters!
Whoa, slow down, scooter brother!
My brother, my scooter brother! (If the other Faggio rider dies within Trevor's sight)

Following another car in the LS River or the Lago Zancudo Marshlands

I'm sorry I showed my thingy, okay?!
I don't have to make up! But I do need a kiss!
Will you stop being such a prude?!
His head just...came off I had nothing to do with it!
We could've had something special! Now look at what you made me do! (If the driver is killed)
Me killing you, doesn't make you right about what happened! (If the driver is killed)

Kicked out of Vinewood Casino

I wasn't counting cards, I was cheating!
Oh, by the way, I left a turd in the pool. Code brown.

Police chase

Self-defense, OK?!
At the end of the day, it's just a public decency beef! You wanna put all these resources on a dude playing show and tell?! Maybe resisting arrest after that...and some officer assaults inbetween...and a couple of hit and runs, some shootings and a grand theft auto...but at the end of the day, I'm just a guy who likes to get his wang out!

Franklin Clinton

Greetings

Greeting Tracey

Hey Tracey. It's me, Franklin.
Hey, Tracey.
Hey there, Tracey.
Oh, hey, Tracey.

Greeting Amanda

Everything okay, Mrs. De Santa?
How you doing, Mrs. De Santa?
I hope all is good with you, Mrs. De Santa.
Hello, Mrs. De Santa.

Greeting Jimmy

Jizzle!
Hey, Jizzle!
Hey, Jimmy D!
Jimmy!
Wassup, Jimmy?
Hey Jim.
Hey, man... I mean, hey, Jizzle.

Greeting/Insulting Denise

Can you please be normal today, auntie?
Eh, aunt Denise.
Stay normal now, auntie D.
Wassup, auntie D?
Eh, wassup?
Eh, auntie D.
You one strange woman, auntie D.
I often wonder why you never got married, then I remember your personality.
Eh, auntie, please be normal, just for once.
Well, if it ain't my favorite/only blood relative.

Greeting Lamar

Good hanging with you, LD.
Hey Lamar.
You good, LD?
Lamar!
Wassup, homie?
It's good seeing you, home.
How you been man?
How you been L?
Lamar Davis!
LD!

Greeting a pedestrian

Eh, babe!
Eh, dude!
Eh, what up my nig?
What it do?
Eh, what's up, babe?
Yeah, how are you?

Greeting a homeless person

Eh, dog, it's gonna get better. Trust me.
Eh, you keep on going dog, you hear me?

Talking to Chop when he is defecating

Let me know when you finished, homie.
I don't want to rush you, but, we got things to do.
Hurry up and do your business, Chop.
It goes in, it gotta come out, shit.
Get it all out, homie.

Seeing Chop's feces near his doghouse

All that shit? Chop, what you been eating? I gotta get a regime for your ass.
Another turd, Chop? I gotta school your ass.
Is that steaming pile of shit a present for not training you?
Another big-ass mess on my property? Chop, I gotta train you to shit on the neighbor's yard.
I gotta train your ass to use the john, Chop? That's a big-ass pile of shit.

Telling Chop to do tricks when he isn't happy

You just gonna moan, is you, Chop?
You don't wanna do it, boy? What's wrong?
I'll train you better soon. I promise.

General

If angered or threatened

Bitch-ass bullshit.
Man, fuck this shit.
Man, screw this.
You know what? Fuck this.
This don't make no fucking sense.
What the fuck?
Damn.
Crap.
Fuck.
Oh, shit.

If bumped into

Are you for real, homie?
Chill out, aight?
What?!

Reloading a weapon

Eh, I'm reloading!
Reloading!
I've gotta reload!
I'm out!
I'm outta ammo!

Insulting someone

Man, fuck you.
Man, you need help! A lot of help!
You motherfucker!
You lame ass bitch!
Punk!
Bitch!
Man, you suck.
And people say I'm a disgrace to society?
Man, you pathetic, fool.
Would you fuck off?
Fuck off. Go on, fuck off.
Man, you a genetic experiment gone wrong, dog!
Man, you ain't nothing but a punk!
Eh, you lame, dog.

If a player points a gun at Franklin

Eh, homie. I trust you and all, but...
Maybe like, point the other way?
I don't like staring down the end of that thing, homie.

Getting up after falling

Unh! Something don't feel too good!
Ah crap, that hurt!
Unhh!
Oh, man!
Shit! That hurt.
Ohh, that hurt!

Bumping into someone

Would you open your damn eyes?
Come on, move!
Look the fuck out!

Assaulting someone

Yeah... still think you hard?
OH, YOU WANT TO GET UP?!
Oh, you still got scraps, huh?!

Hailing a taxi

Hey!
Yo!
Taxi!
Cab! Eh!

Flirting with a stripper

Keep doing what you doing!
Man, you got it all! Peach body oil, fake guns, hair extensions. Shit, I love it!
You keep telling me how great I am!
Eh, your ass is hot!

Visiting the Epsilon Program website

"Kifflom"? Man, that's stupid.
Man, this ain't for me.
I ain't there yet.

If threatened

Eh, let's go fool!
Eh, fight fool!
So you hard, huh?!
So you real mean, huh?

When stealing a car

Get the fuck out of here!
Don't make me commit a 1-8-7, homie!
Gimme the car dog!
Don't try being wise, punk! Now give me that!
Out of the car, ni**a!
Gimme that thing right now!
Eh, let me borrow that ride!
Its just a ride, sweetheart! You're insured! (When carjacking women)

While shooting

How you not see me?!
You want me, huh?!
I knew you was punks!
You punk-ass bitches is done, now!
Fuck all you punks!
Fuck you!
Oh, you trying to roll on me, fool?!
Bitch-ass punk!
Eh, fuck you, fool!
Let's see what you got!
Eh, let's do this then!
I don't give a fuck, asshole!
Let's do this, motherfuckers!
It's on now, motherfuckers!
Blast on me then, bitches!
You bitches can fuck yourselves!
Shoot me!

After killing someone

Goodnight, old friend...
See you!
Well, that's that then!
I guess that settles that.
Well, that's showin' you!
Punk-ass bitch!

Losing his temper after being stalked by Trevor or Michael

Eh, man, you need to chill the fuck out!
Eh, man, you need to sit your motherfucking ass down!
Eh, man. Why don't the fuck you take a rest!
Eh, relax homie. You bugging the fuck out.
Okay then, old man!
You asked for this, big guy!
Okay then, big man, come here!

If Trevor or Michael shoots or fires rockets at his safehouse

Hey, stop shooting up my crib, man!
Hey, stop shooting rockets at my crib!

In a car crash

Eh, my whip!
My car, you damn moron!
Eh, you an asshole driver!
Eh, I'm driving here!
Eh, you just turned this into a bucket!
Eh, you don't see me driving here?!
Slick wheel work!
Nice driving!
My car!
My ride, dog!
My car, asshole!
Not the car!
Not the car, man! Damn! (if wanted)
Not the Goddamn car! (if wanted)
Come on, man!
Aww... damn!

If Franklin has a near miss

Man, only inches!
Whoo, too close!
That's dumb luck right there.

Walking Chop

Introduce yourself, Chop! (while attacked by hostile NPCs)
Show 'em we family, Chop! (while attacked by hostile NPCs)
This shit's going down, Chop! (while attacked by hostile NPCs)

If a vehicle engine won't start

Start, you piece of crap!
Start, you piece of shit! (If wanted)
Would you come on?! Damn!
What the fuck?!
Let's go!
Hurry the fuck up! (If wanted)

Stealing a vehicle with a dead person inside

Eh, you ain't well, homie, let's get you up out of here.
Yeah, look, man, I'm gonna leave you for the ambulance, a'ight?
I'll look after it, homie, for real.
Forgive me, but my needs is greater than yours.
It don't look like you need this, dawg.
Sorry, but you don't need it.

If the cops are alerted

Damn! Five-O!
Damn! The Po-po shit!
Just what I need! Police!

Holding up a 24/7, LTD or Liquor Store

Come on! Clean out the damn register! (pointing weapon)
Give me all the cash you got, now! (pointing weapon)
Ok, clean out the register! (pointing weapon)
Open the register, now! (pointing weapon)

Switch Scenes

Cleaning his motorcycle

This motherfucker clean.

Taking out the trash in his old house

Disgusting old hag.
Man, that bitch is so lazy.

Taking out the trash in his house

Still doing chores.
At least it's my trash in the crib

Talking to someone on his cellphone in his house

Yeah, you should come by. A'ight, call me later.

Eating a bag of Phat Chips

That's like, six burpees righ there.
Man, I'm snacking and I ain't even high.
Man, I need to get some healthy food in this damn house.

Leaving an establishment

Eh, holla at me, y'all. Peace.
Man, I'm drunk... but shit, I ain't getting drunker.
Hey, I'm going, man. Before you take advantage.

After running over a pedestrian

Out of the way, man!

Other Characters

Wade Hebert

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! (when a gun is fired)
Aaaaaaahhhh! (when a gun is fired)

While at the Vanilla Unicorn

I'd ask for your number, but they took my phone.
Can somebody get me a sandwich?
I don't know if it's day or night. I don't even know what month it is.
If it's possible, I might be becoming immune to boobies.
What would really turn me on is you wearing clown face.
I lost count of how many boobies I seen.
Sometimes I miss the sunlight.
They only play, like, six songs here. It's kinda making me crazy.
Can you ask the DJ to play some horrorcore?
Whenever I try and leave, they give me another dance.
Do any of you ladies like wearing clownface?
Cousin Floyd says strip clubs objectify women. But you ain't objects, you're people.

To Franklin or Michael

Fancy seeing you here.
Hey, I know that guy. It's me. Wade.
Trevor's somewhere, I think.

To Trevor

Can we stop by Debra's place, T?
You should get Ron to stop by, Trevor.
Hey Trevor, these girls are real hospitable.
Floyd's here, right? For real this time?
The ladies are being real nice to me, Trevor.

Ron Jakowski

Oh, Lordy! (when a gun is fired)
Oh, shit! (when a gun is fired)
Shit, shit, shit! (when a gun is fired)

Greeting/insulting Michael

Oh, it's you. Mr. Fancy Big City Ideas.
Don't you have something to be doing? Like calling your therapist?
Ain't Trevor got some use for you? 'Cause I don't.

Responding to Trevor

I'm sorry, Trevor.
I know, Trevor. I know. I'm sorry.
I know, Trevor.
Thanks, Trevor.
I know. From you.
I know, Trevor. I'm awful.
You're right, Trevor. I'm a sad, wretched fool!
Me too, Trevor. Me too.
The worst excuse, Trevor!
In every way, Trevor!

Amanda De Santa

Responding to Trevor

Before Did Somebody Say Yoga?

Hello, Trevor!
Absolutely, whatever you say.
Hey, Trevor. It's Mrs. De Santa now.
Oh, hello, Trevor.
Just fine, Trevor.

After Reuniting the Family

How's your mom, Trevor? I miss her.
Happy not seeing you, Trevor!
Still masturbating so much, Trevor?
Just don't kill me, Trevor. That's all I ask.
I miss every girl calling you the one pump chump.
Even more surprising is how did you stay single?
Oh, creepy!
Oh, that creepy act won't work with me!
Yes, you're an ideal friend for him.

Responding to Michael

Before Did Somebody Say Yoga?

My husband's a murderer. That's what's up, angel.
Not really, but I know you don't care.
Nothing is up with me, Michael, everything is pretty down.
I'm wondering when my life went wrong, Michael.
Oh, shut up, Michael.
Yes, I'm married to a sociopath, life is simply fantastic.
Very little is up, Michael, almost everything is down.
Just wonderful.... seriously. Wonderful.
Just trying to find some internal peace, Michael.
Just great, my feckless, faithless husband.

After Reuniting the Family

I think we might just make it, Michael!
I think so. I feel we're making progress.
To know everything is to forgive everything, Michael.
Hey, Michael.
Oh hello, Michael...
Okay, honey. How are you?
Hello, my deeply flawed but almost loveable husband!
Yes, I think so.
Yes. I think I'm actually okay.
Not perfect, but we're trying!

Responding to Franklin

Hey, Franklin.
Oh, please. Call me Amanda.
Not really, but I'll survive.
Sure, yeah, great. Whatever, Franklin.
All good, just trying to keep my idiot husband out of trouble.

Note: Dialogues after Reuniting the Family remains the same as before Did somebody say Yoga?

Jimmy De Santa

Hey, c'mon! (when brandishing a gun)
C'mon, please. (when brandishing a gun)
Chill out with that! (when brandishing a gun)
How'd you not see me? I'm huge. (when bumped into)
Ah, you hurt me! (when bumped into)
Look out! (when bumped into)
Excuse me! (when bumped into)
Oh, what the?! (when bumped into)
You're an asshole. (when bumped into)
You clearly have no penis. (when bumped into)
You clearly hate humanity. (insult)
You're clearly a terrible human being. (insult)

Responding to Michael

Hey, pop.
Hey, dad.
Father.
Loser!
Whatever you say, dad.
Actually, it's Jizzle.

Note: Dialogues after Reuniting the Family remains the same as before Did somebody say Yoga?

Responding to Trevor

I always looked up to you, T.
You just don't get me, do you?
Give me a break, Uncle T - I'm trying.
Give me a break, Uncle T. You're as bad as my dad.
I try, Trevor... I just prefer smoking pot.
Actually, no. It's still okay.
Hey, it's not Jimmy - it's Jizzle.

Gangs

Merryweather

Go to hell!
Eat shit, bastard!
Put the weapon down!
Say goodnight!
Drop the weapon!
You're gonna die, bitch! (Can also be heard from Trevor)
You fucking pussy!
Bend over, here I come!
Nobody's going to find your body!
Death embraces you!
Prick!
Dickhead!
Show's over, clown!
Get a job!
Time to bleed!
Time to meet your maker!
I'm gonna shit down your neck!
What a pansy!
I'm gonna lay down a diversion!
Ass!
No! They escaped!
You messed with the wrong man!
You're dead!
Jerkoff!
Man down! Damnit!
Man down!
You're going down!
Eat this!
You're gone!
It's over!

Military/The Professionals

After hanging around the entrance to Fort Zancudo

Sir, leave the area now! This is for authorised personnel only.
I'm not going to say this again. Leave now.

In combat

I'm a fucking Marine!
Inbred moron!
Die, fucker! Ahhh!
Fuckin' hell! ARRRGGHH!
EHHH - AARRRGGGHHH!
Don't fuck with me!
You wanna play with me?
You've fucked with the wrong soldier!
Mendoza's hit! Mendoza's been fuckin' hit!
Semper Fi, motherfucker!
I'm gonna kill you!
Hit the dirt!
Suck my dick!
DIE!
Fuck you!
You cocksucker!
Surrender!
I'm not afraid to use this!
Fucking bum!
You're done!
You fucking moron!
Motherfucker!
Trained to serve ass kicking!
Drop that weapon!
Keep him busy!
Here I come!
Kill yourself somehow!
I need a medic!
Dick!
Yeah!
Fall back!
Fall back, y'all!
Friendly down!
Retreat! Everyone, retreat!
Come on, men!
Retreat!
Withdraw!
Strategic withdrawal!
A little cover, please!
Get out of there! Now!
We need assistance! We have a man down!
Back it up!
Stupid fuckhead!
Get back! Back!

If an explosion is imminent

Hit the deck!

After being kicked or punched

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

The Lost MC

You ain't got nowhere to go!
Oh, you better have a real good reason to be in here!
Piece of shit!
Go to hell!
Move now, dammit!
Lost forever!
You're surrounded now!
You lost, puto!
You're mine now, puto.
Shit, take cover hermano!
I got your back, hermano!
That's some trippy shit, hermano.
You look a little lost, pendejo.
Don't fuck with Lost, pendejo!
Pendejo!
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Lost MC!
You're fucking dead.
I'll kill you, pussy!
Don't mag off me, dammit!
Fuckhead.
Dickhead.
You ain't going nowhere!
I'm gonna kill you then go blaze!
The Almighty forgives, the Lost MC don't!
Oh shit, they got Charlie!
Fuck you, and your mama, too!
L-O-S-T!
Fuckin' hell!
Back up, brothers!
We got a brother down!
We lost one, dog!
Shit, you okay?
You shitstain!
Eat it, motherfucker!
Fuck yeah!
Go fuck your mama into pieces!
I need you to fucking die now!
Die, die, die!
I got some nice brass knuckles for you!
Fuck you and your mama!
Our boy is messed up!
You want a baseball bat to the face?
No! Someone's down!
Fall back, brothers! Fall back!
I'm gonna kill you, asshole!
Hey, civilian! Fuck off before you get hurt!
The Lost, forever!
Get out of here, you goddamn civilian!

Ballas

You in the wrong hood!
Yeah, so where you from, bitch?
Just here keeping this Original Covenant shit Original, the ol' fashioned way. (reference to set)
Don't fuck with the Ballas, baby! We go out in a blaze! (OC Ballas in a gunfight)
Ballas for life! (OC Ballas in a gunfight)
Watch it, motherfucker!
Man, you a piece of shit! (insulting or hostile South Rancho Ballas)
Man... the fuck you over here for? (When Franklin or Trevor enters the Ballas territory)
Get your bitch-ass out of here (When Franklin or Trevor enters the Ballas territory)
Me and you gonna need a doctor, buddy (fighting OC Balla)
You sorry-ass chump! (hostile OC Balla)
You's a stupid-ass bitch! (hostile OC Balla)
What? Are we having a fuckin' staring contest or something? (when the player watches an OC Balla too long)
You Families scouts are so obvious! We recognize you bitches. (When Franklin and Trevor enter the territory)
O.C.B.G, get 'em up, motherfucker (fighting Balla claiming his set)
Wow, look at this motherfucker! He's trippin'. (fighting OC Balla)
I'm gonna whip my motherfucking pistol out. (melee fighting Rancho Balla ironically)
1-5-2-7! (Balla in a gunfight claiming a number corresponding to his set?)
Mmm, I put the franchise tag on that ass! (Creepy pick-up line)
Ballas & dollaz, you get all four corners, girl. (Pick-up line)
Whoo! Fine as a motherfucka'! (Pick-up line)
Come put that lipstick on my dickstick, beyitch! (Creepy pick-up line)
Oh, I think I'm in love, player. Give me a smile, baby! (Pick-up line)
Ballas in your motherfucking mouth, bitch! (hostile OC Balla)
Yo, this motherfucker must be crazy or something! (fighting OC Balla)
Bitch-ass ni**a. (hostile South Rancho Balla)
Dayum, you fine as fuck girl! (East Side Balla pick-up line)
I'll split your motherfucking wig! (hostile OC Balla)
All you motherfuckers are dead!
You about to end up on an Internet video, fool!
Fuck! Balla down! Balla down!

Vagos

LSV, fucking puto!
¡Ayuda! Man down, man down!
Puta Madre piece of shit!
That's it! Nowhere to escape now!
Brother's hit! ¡Ayudale!
¡Ya te cargo la chingada, pendejo!
¡Amigos! ¡Necesitamos ayuda!
Say adios, puto!
Die, motherfucker!
Vagos, bitch!
¡Vagos por vida!
Where you gonna go?
Hey, asshole! It's time to get shot!

The Families

What's going on, Frank? (to Franklin only)
Ey, that's my boy Frank, ey! (to Franklin only)
Yo, that's my boy Franklin! (to Franklin only)
Eh, Franklin what's good? (to Franklin only)
Old lame-ass motherfucker! (Carson Ave/Chamberlain Families fighting Michael or Trevor)
Ballas? They some pussy-ass bitches. (Carson Ave/Chamberlain Families in conversation)
Man, if my moms joins the Ballas... (Carson Ave/Chamberlain Families in conversation)
Your marks ain't shit. Davis gang, bitch. (hostile insulting Davis Neighborhood Families)
What kind of dressing do you like on your knuckle sandwich, 'cause I'm about to serve you up "nice"?! (fighting Davis Neighborhood Families)
I'm about to knock a patch out of your ass! (fighting Davis Neighborhood Families)
FAMILIES! YEEEEAH! (Carson Ave/Chamberlain Families in gunfight)
Come get the Family beatdown! (fighting Families)
Wanna fuck with my Family? Huh?! (fighting Families)

Rednecks/O'Neils

Chester is down!
Looks like somebody had a little too much incest last night.
Eat this!
Shit dick!
Piece of fucking welfare trash!
Oh, fuck you Ted, I ain't bothering you no more!
Call Jesse in the clinic! We got one hurt, bad!
You're fucking dead, dead, dead!
I need to reload!
Motherfucker!
Die!
I've had enough of you!
You're an ass-kisser!
Dumbass!
Hey, shit-for-brains!
Bullshit!
I'm gonna have me some fun with you!
Fucknut!
Go get fucked!
Screw you!
Get into cover!
You bleedin' asshole!
AAAAAGH, you're dead!
Cletus is hit!
Back! Back! Back it up!
This asshole's crazy!
You are a piece of shit!
Get back! Get back!
Let's get out of here!
Get back, y'all!
Dimwit shithead!
Jesus H. Christ!
Yee-ha!
Die! Die! Die!
Get the hell back!
Pull it back!
Oh my sweet Jesus!
Are you crazy?
You tryin' to get killed?
Get back!
Let's move it back!
We got a man down!
Don't let up on that guy for a second!
Don't you fuckin' look at me that way!
Oh, fuck! We got a brother down!
Come on, then!
Let's go, then!
Some cover would be nice!
Son of a bitch!
Fucker!
Hey, fatass!
Can I get some help over here?
Move back!
Don't let him get you!
Protect yourself!
Get out of there!
We'll get this guy later!
You must be lost, friend!
Let's get these bleedin' assholes!
Shit-for-brains!
Hold on, everybody!
Where's my Goddamn cover?
We got a bleeder!
Oh shit. We got a boy hurt!
Jesus in heaven!
Help me Jesus!
Holy crap!
One of ours got hurt!
Let's put a cap on this, shall we?
Tarnation!
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go, let's go, c'mon!
Move in! Move in!
Get back, y'all!
Hey, shit-bird!

Law Enforcement and Emergency Services

Police Scanner

Vehicles by Model

Vehicle by class

Vehicles by year

Years for describing vehicles which run before a vehicle category.

Years

Late model
Current model
Late 90s
Late 2000
Mid 80s
Mid 90s
Recent model
Early 80s
Late 80s
Latest model
Early 70s
Mid 2000
Late 70s
Early 2000
Mid 70s
Late 60s
Mid 60s
Early 90s
Late 1990s
Early 60s
Late 1980s
Early 1980s
Mid 19060s
Mid 1980s
Mid 1990s
Early 1990s
Late 1960s
Late 1970s
Early 1960s
Mid 1970s
Early 1970s

Vehicles by color

Colours for identifying vehicles which run before the vehicle category.

Colors

Pink
Black
Grey
Purple
Red
Blue
White
Bronze
Green
Brown
Yellow
Aqua
Grey
Beige
Silver
Maroon
Orange
Gold
Dark green
Dark brown
Dark red
Dark grey
Light brown
Graphics
Light blue
Light red
Dark yellow
Dark blue
Light grey
Light purple
Light green
Light yellow
Dark purple
Light silver
Dark maroon
Dark silver
Light maroon
Light orange
Dark orange
Metallic red
Metallic yellow
Metallic purple
Metallic silver
Metallic green
Metallic blue
Metallic black
Metallic brown
Metallic grey

Extra prefixes which run before vehicle categories, describing the state or condition of the vehicle.

Extra Prefixes

Mint
Dirty
Custom
Beat-up
Dented
Chopped
Rusty
Rundown
Damaged
Modified
Battered
Run-down
Distressed
Customized

LSPD

When giving orders to other officers

Let's go! Move!
Let's get in there!
Aw, hell! Fall back!
Wow, hold up!
Cover me!
You better cover me!
Aim well!
You don't wanna miss and make me come after you!

Everyone with me?!
Get this moron!
Open fire!
Everybody ready?!
I got you covered! (when responding)
I was born ready! (when responding)
This loser's all mine! (when responding)
Damn! GET THIS SCUMBAG!
Cover me, all right?!
Shoot, dammit! SHOOT!
Get some cover!
Go ahead, I'll cover you!
I'll keep this asshole busy for you!
Fall back, men! Move your ass!

When a firearm is equipped

Oh, shit... A GUN!
Look out!

When insulted

Fucker!
Son of bitch!
Pussy!
Get ready to be hurt!
Stupid ass!
Let's keep it nice and calm, right?
I'mma teach you a lesson!
Whatever!
You little dick!
If you fuckin' know it!
I'm gonna hurt you good, then kill you!
What the hell's your problem?
You don't want to make me mad. Got it?
Calm down!

When speaking on a Harbour Patrol boat megaphone

This is the Harbour Patrol! Stop your boat now!
Kill the engine and stop your boat now!
Los Santos Harbour Patrol! Stop your boat now!

On car megaphone to criminals or protagonists

Driver! Stop your vehicle!
This is the LSPD! Pull over now!
Driver! This is the LSPD! Stop your car now!
Stop your vehicle, you FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
Slow down!
Hit the brakes!
Driver, pull over now! LSPD!
Stop your vehicle right fucking now, or I swear I am going to kill ya!
We see you! You are finished!
Driver, this is the LSPD! Stop your fucking car now!
Driver, this is the LSPD! Pull over immediately!
Driver, this is the LSPD! Stop your vehicle!
Driver, this is the LSPD! Come to a stop immediately!
Stop your car!
Kill this fucker... let's just shoot 'till it stops!
LSPD! Pull your fucking car over!
Oh for fuck's sake, somebody shoot the tires!
Let's end this fucking thing! Shoot the tires!
Stop the car now!
LSPD! Come to a stop immediately!
If you don't stop the car, you're gonna have trouble!

When recognising Trevor

Hey, jerkoff! What's up with ya?

When seeing the protagonist or arresting him

Stop! Police!
Moving south!
Yeah, I see him!
You're under arrest, you piece of crap!
There, gotcha!
LSPD! We've got you scumbag! Now freeze!
Police! Stop whatever the hell you're doing!
Stop, and don't use a muscle! Or you'll be shot by the LSPD!
Police! Let's see some hands up!
Stop right there, and don't make me do more work, asshole!
LSPD! You lose!
Police! Stop right there!
Don't be a dick, just get in the car!
Police, stop right there!
LSPD! Don't make me shoot you!
LSPD! Freeze!
I have a visual!
Get in the car and behave!

When the protagonist gets away

Ah, shit, we can't lose him! We'll find you asshole!
Where is he?!
I don't see him!
Where did he go?
We're going to lose this asshole!
He's getting away!
Who's got eyes?!
You can't hide, boy! We will track you down!
Don't tell me I lost this asshole!

When car is on fire, or grenade is thrown

Oh, no! It's gonna blow!
Hit the deck!

When a Minigun is equipped

Jesus, he has a Minigun!
Dispatch, he's got a Minigun!
That's a Minigun!

When a Rocket Launcher is equipped

He's got a Rocket Launcher!
Fall back!
Fuck! Rocket Launcher!
Rocket launcher! Look out!
Aw, hell, look at that thing!

When a Grenade Launcher is equipped

Shit! A Grenade Launcher!
Asshole's got a Grenade Launcher!
Is that a fucking Grenade Launcher?!

While being stared at

You better stop looking at me!

When NPC's are in the way

I'm trapped here! Move!
Get out of the way! This is police business!
Move it people, this is an emergency!
This is the LSPD! Clear the area! Now!
This is the LSPD! This is a warning! Clear this area!
You can't be here!
Move it, folks. Now!
This is the LSPD. Disperse while you can!
This is a warning from the LSPD! Get out of here!
Move it!
This is the LSPD. Go away now, or there will be trouble.
You shouldn't be here, moron.

When reloading

Crap, I'm reloading!

When involved in a collision

What the fuck did you do to my ride?!
You damaged my wheels...! I'm gonna damage YOU!

When protagonist gets wasted

Perp's down! The asshole's down!
Suspect is down, I repeat; suspect is down!
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

When in danger

We need some FUCKING BACKUP!
Can't we just drop a missile on this moron?!
Goddammit! Fall back NOW!
Aw, Jesus!
Oh, boy!
Fall back!
I NEED BACKUP!
BACK! FALL BACK!
AW, HELL... I'M PINNED DOWN HERE!
I NEED HELP!
Call in NOOSE, now!
1199! We need help down here!

Taunting criminals

Criminal scum!
Motherfucker!
Piece o' crap!
You peeing in your pants now?!
You stupid piece of crap!
You're done!
You scumbag!
Never mess with me!
Fucking jerk!
I never lose, moron!
DIE!
I'll kill you, you piece of garbage!
Piece of garbage!
I can just kill you and make up a reason later!
It's over!
Shitdick. You hear me? Shitdick!
You motherfuckin' asshole!
Suck my cock!
Eat my ass!
Would you look at that, you made me take out my gun..
You want a war?! You got it!
Get fucked!
Hell fuckin' yeah!

When being followed

Quit following me!

When multiple protagonists are wanted simultaneously

I swear, I'll shoot you ONE BY ONE!
You are finished, dickhead! Stop! (in car chase)
Where'd they go?! (when sight is lost, but can be heard regardless in any situation)

When on the dispatch radio

Dispatch, this animal's behind the wheel!
Dispatch, suspect has entered the metro!
Dispatch, suspect has entered the freeway!
Dispatch, suspect is on foot! I repeat, suspect is on foot!
Dispatch, he's got a minigun!
This is air support; suspect is heading north.
This is air support, we have a visual on the suspect.
Reporting 1183! (Police code for an accident)
Dispatch, suspect's vehicle in a collision!
The suspect is leaving the freeway!
Dispatch, suspect is leaving the freeway, now!
We're airborne and moving in. Over.
This is air support, we've lost the suspect.
Eagle 10 here. We have a visual on the ground?
We have a visual. Moving in.
This is air support, we have him heading east.
We got eyes, he's on foot. Over.
This is Eagle Three, we don't see the suspect!
Suspect is heading west, do you copy?
Suspect is heading east.
Dispatch, suspect is on foot.
Eye in the sky has no visual!
I got eyes on the suspect!
Anyone have a camera anywhere?
We need some fucking backup!

After nearly getting run over

Hey! Watch it!

When greeted

Hey.

When chatting to other officers

Yeah! *Chuckle*
Appreciate it.
I met this girl on a 459 call (police code for a burglary)... she's the victim's roommate. Hot as hell. I told her I may have to question her again.
No, shit.

Female officers

I've got your six!
What did ya think was going to happen?
We need backup!
You just messed up, pal!
LSPD, there's nowhere to go, stop the vehicle.
Move dammit, police in pursuit
I'm going in!
Give yourself up!
I need backup, now!
Let's keep it moving!
Don't lose him!
Police, you're only making this worse!
Please move to the side of the road!
I'm under heavy fire, need assistance!
Where do you think you're going?
Oh, my God!!!
Assaulting an officer are we?!
We will shoot out your tires!
Suspect is down!
Stop, police!
Disengage and fall back!
You got the right to die!
Burn in hell!

Sheriff

Son of a bitch!
Inbred dickward!
When I say go, shoot this asshole!
When I give the signal, shoot this asshole!
Throw them fucking keys out the window!
Keys out of the ignition, now!
You need to pull over now!
Police, stop your car.
You piss me off, stop!
Pull the hell over!
Please, stop the car!
Stop that vehicle right now!
I'm ordering you to stop!
Let's see those hands right now!
Don't make me kill you, asshole!
Now, now!
Don't worry buddy!
Get in there!
I don't think so buddy!
Well look at you, all slow and dumb.
Reach for the sky, buddy!
Well, well look who it is.
Not on my watch!
We're gonna lose him!
Shit, we cannot lose this turd burger!
He's getting away!
This asshole must be on PCP. We're losing him!
Asshole.
You ugly-ass piece of shit.
You people never learn!
I'm warning you, kill the engine!
Imma beat you when I catch you!
Watch my back!
I don't get paid enough for this shit.
Where's my cover?!
Police! Put her out!
We gotta fall back!
You asshole!
Get out of the damn way!
Don't make me turn you into an internet video, asshole.
You're surrounded.
You got me?!
Stop your vehicle!
Stop the vehicle now...
Shoot the tires out!
You dumb ass, put that away!
Hands in the air!
What a waste a' time!
Give me a break with that shit!
Do not take...another..step!
Nowhere to go!
Asshole is on [road/highway], turning [direction turned].
You 'ave pissed me off! Stop!
Turn off the engine in your vehicle.
Pull over to the side of the road.
Now we both know, that ain't a good idea!
Take him out!
Stop the fucking vehicle!
We need NOOSE down here now!
Stop the vehicle, we need to have a little chat!
Are you deaf? Stop the vehicle!
I am not accustomed to repeating myself! Stop!
What part of stop don't you understand?
I've got an idea to end this for good!
On my mark, go guns blazing!

NOOSE

Stop, right now!
This is NOOSE! You're screwed!
Give us a sec' to reload!
Killing makes my dick hard!
DIE! "screams while firing"
I'm the last thing you're ever gonna see!
Move in!
We're taking casualties.
Man down, I repeat, man down!
Man down, I repeat, M.O.S is down!
Somebody help me!
Son of a bitch.
I don't see him!
She's gonna blow!
For the love of God!
There's the bastard!
Cover yourself!
Who's got eyes??!!
Stop! And put your hands in the air!
You're going down!
Protect yourself, there's shrapnel everywhere!
The threat has been neutralised.
Holy shit!
Visual contact lost!
Drop your fucking weapon!
DROP FUCKIN' EVERYTHING!
Kiss the dirt!
Fuckin' pussy!
I kill for a living!
Drop the gun, or I'll shoot!
I can, and will kill you!
I, will use deadly force!
Nobody's going to your funeral!
Kill him!
Charlie's hit!
Want more?! YOU GOT IT!
One of us is gonna die!
You motherfuckin' asshole!
Shitface!
You fucker!
Loser!
Might as well give up!

Park Ranger

I'm a trained professional.
Up there.
Kifflom
You're nothing but a punk.
Sorry, I'm just looking for Pumas.
I've come to the conclusion that people come to ruin the park then to enjoy it.
You're in big trouble now.
Hey, no weapons in my park!
Heavens Above!

Air Traffic Controllers

You are in a restricted air space! Divert your course or you will be shot down!
This is a no fly zone! Divert your course!
Attention aircraft, this airspace is prohibited. Reverse course now.
You are flying in restricted airspace. Turn around immediately!
You have entered Fort Zancudo Airspace. Divert immediately! (Fort Zancudo Only).
You are in the Fort Zancudo no fly zone, divert your course. (Fort Zancudo Only).
This is U.S. Army airspace. Divert or we will take you down. (Fort Zancudo Only).

Paramedics

After seeing the corpse

There it is!
I see the body!

While trying to resuscitate the person

Don't die on me!
Any signs of life?
There's still hope!
Only God can save this one.
We might be too late!
It's not looking good!
This one might be tough!
Wow! This is a tough one!
I'm here!
Stay calm! I can save you!

When failing to save the dead person

Nope, this one's gone. I tried my best!
We were too late!
'City of saints'? More like 'city of death'!
We tried our best!
This is why I drink.
Might as well get the body bag out.
Why did we even come here?
It's not our fault.
I hate when this happens.
So much for lowering the murder rate.
We're way too late.
I tried my best!
We did all we could.
I did everything within my power.
We did everything by the book.
Wow, another D.O.A!
It's a wrap for this one.
They're gone bro.
Yep, this one's gone.
Mom's right, I should move to Vice City.
Can't wait until my shift is over.
Where's my stash of Tequila?
We didn't get here in time!
This state must be cursed!
Next time, there's always a next time.
That was depressing!
I really need to take a vacation.
This sucks!
So close!
Such a waste!
San Andreas is a freaking death trap!

When almost hit by a vehicle

Hey, watch it!
Get down!
Watch it!
Slow down!
Woah!
Good lord!
Loco!
Maniaco!

When angered or insulted

I'll get you!
Asshole!
Piece of shit!
Jackass!
Jerkoff!
You think you loco?! Come on!
Come on! I'm sick of you maniacos!
Oh, you're going to be sorry!
What a scumbag!
¡Pinche diablo! (Fucking hell!)
I'ma wash you up!
¡Mira que asqueroso! (Look, how disgusting!)
You're about to get washed!
Damnit, man!
Dick!
Ass!
You bitch!
Fuckface!
Scumbag!
¡Asqueroso! (Disgusting!)
You idiot!
Nuts!
Damnit!
Crap!
Dipshit!

If scared

Oh damn!
¡Carajo! (Shit!)
¡Diablos!
Increíble!
Oh lord!
Woah!
Aaahh!
Oh no!
Jesus!
Oh, my God!
Jesus Christ!
This state has gone nuts.

Booty Calls

Liz Macallen

Will Santa let me open one gift early? (when giving the player a blowjob during taking home events)

Strippers

Juliet

I'm going to blow your mind! (while giving the player a blowjob during taking home events)
Sure! Swing by the back, and I'll be there! (after accepting to the Protagonist's request to take her home)
Hey sexy! (when greeting the player, only during taking home events)
Follow me, honey! (when at her house)
This way sexy! (when at her house)
Wanna go private, honey? (when suggesting a private dance)
Let's go somewhere with a little more privacy, sugar.
Hey Frankie, wanna dance with me? (when asking Franklin for a private dance)
Franklin, honey! I missed you. Let's go dance. (when asking Franklin for a private dance)
Loser! (after the player refuses a private dance)
Dipshit! (after the player refuses a private dance)

Infernus

You like this fat ass? (during a private dance)
I'll give you whatever you want! (when taking her home)
I know you want it! (during a private dance)
You know you want it! (during a private dance)
You're making me so hot! (during a private dance)
Let's go to the back room baby. (when suggesting a private dance to the protagonist)
Follow Infernus. I will take care of you! (after the protagonist agrees to have a private dance)
Am I getting you hard, baby? (during a private dance)
Oh yeah, that's my song! (during a private dance)
Just one more dance? You know you want it! (when asking for another private dance)

Cheetah

I feel so hot! (during a private dance)
You want a special dance, just for you?
Right this way baby! (after the protagonist agrees to have a private dance)
You like this, don't you baby? (during a private dance)
Mmm, I feel all sweaty! (during a private dance)
Oh god! This makes me horny as hell! (during a private dance)
You man enough for another? (when asking for another private dance)
Come on, follow my sweet ass! (after the protagonist agrees to have a private dance)
You want me to get naked for you? (offering the protagonist a private dance)

Chastity

You want a private dance or what? (when asking for a private dance)

Nikki

You want a private dance? (when asking for a private dance)
You wanna go in the back, sugar? (when asking for a private dance)
Oh yea baby! (during a private dance)
Just follow me, sugar. (after the protagonist agrees to have a private dance)
You like this sugar? (during a private dance)
I think I'd like to hang out with you later! (during a private dance)
You feeling it? (during a private dance)
That feel good? (during a private dance)
Why don't we take this show back to my place? (after a private dance and suggesting the protagonist to take her home)
Hi there lover! (after the protagonist picks her up to take her home)
You're gonna enjoy this! (while taking her home)
Just keep your eyes on this ass and follow me! (when at her house)

Fufu

Want a dance in the back? (when suggesting a private dance)
You look like you need a dance honey. (when suggesting a private dance)
So rude! (after the player refuses a private dance)

Peach

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Sapphire

We should go to the back! What do you say? (when suggesting a private dance)
Wanna head to the back? (when suggesting a private dance)
Ok, you know where I am. (after the player refuses a private dance)

Pedestrians

Grand Theft Auto V is the first game that allows the player to greet pedestrians by pressing right on the D-Pad on consoles or the 'E' button on the PC version. However, when playing as Trevor, the player cannot greet pedestrians; instead, by pressing this button near one will cause him to insult them. Also greeting the same pedestrian three times will also cause other protagonists to insult them, if there has been a lack of response. A pedestrian will either run away, call the police, or pick a fight with the player after being threatened. Threatening a law enforcement officer, will obviously give the player a one star. Some pedestrians will form conversations with the player on rare occasions such as telling the player (except Trevor) about their stories; if the protagonist replies to this pedestrian he will either respond politely or sarcastically. If the protagonist is driving a supercar or expensive car, pedestrians will comment positively on it and take pictures as well although this does not work with the Infernus, Comet, Bullet, Zentorno or Turismo R. In some situation, some pedestrians may ignore the player's insulting no matter how many times the player insults them. (For example, when Trevor sobered up at a beach, he may see an obese woman. No matter how many times Trevor insults her, she won't respond to Trevor's.)

Pilots

If the player steals his vehicle

I'ma stand my ground!
You're just an asshole!
I am not putting up with any of this nonsense!
You a hoe!

Prostitutes

While looking for customers

Hey baby! Looking for a date?
Hey sugar.
You look like you've had a rough night. Want some company?

If rejected

Come back when you changed your mind.

During oral sex

Oh, I'm gonna swallow all of your cum!
I want it, I want it!
Mmmm, it tastes so good!
Ohh, yeah... That's a big one!
Mmm, your cock tastes so good!

Mexicans/Taxi Drivers

When a player walks into them

Oh my god are you blind?!

If threatened/scared

¡Quatre madre!
Fuck you, cabroncito!
Fuck off!
Fuck me in the ass!
We're going to hell!
...Is happening?
This is it...!
This is a joke!
You're kidding!
Oh yeah we are going to die!
Puta madre!
Oh shit!
Fucking christ!
Oh, fuck!
No way!

When a player commits a crime

That's it, I'm calling the cops!

Insulting the player

You're a dick without a dick!
Dickless wander!
Fuck you!
You wanna know it rhymes with shunt?

If the player is run over

Hey, I'm sorry that I messed you up, huh?! Did I?
Is it weird how turned on I am?

When the player Attempts to jack a locked vehicle

You could have my ride, if you fuck me.
Ai puta madre, I haven't been touched in years!

Being intimidated by a player while cowering

Don't don't kill me (inaudible)...

Capitalists

If threatened

I am in no fucking mood... for this!
Look, I'm having a bad day, okay?! Sorry!
Probably an idiot liberal.
Probably flunked out of school.
What's wrong with the world?!
What a fucking asshole!
You REALLY want to mess... with me?!

Gangsters

If insulted by Michael or Trevor

Old-ass motherfucker!

If annoyed

I'm tough kid, I've been through the struggle!
You're acting like a real sellout!
Get your hand out of my pocket!
I'll end your breath and begin your death!
I'll send you back to the prison of god!
The intellectual thug, is victorius!
Stop dancing with the devil, sellout!
Tap-dancing sellout!
Stop all that tap-dancing, sellout!
It's the motherfucking struggle!
Fool, I squab like it's my only job!
Fuck your struggle!
Damn devil's got me struggling!
These devils, they can eat a dick!

When talking to strangers

We must increase the peace!
I hear that!
Keep struggling, alright?
Tell 'em devils to eat a big dick!

If scared

This shit need to stop!
You wicked devil!
You see that shit over there?!

Industrial Workers

If annoyed

Dirtbag!
It's on, chump!
You messing with a grown-ass man!
I'm gonna mess you up!
Pond scum!
Balls!
You picked the wrong guy!
Damn degenerate!
Moron!

If scared

OH, DAMN!
Jay crimity!
Damnit! I'm calling the cops!
Hello, police?! Get down here right away!
No effin' way!
Oh, God; I don't want to die!
Damn!
Christ alive!

Security Guards/Gruppe Sechs staff/Securoserv Bodyguards

If the player is wanted

I see him!
That's him!

If threatened or annoyed

Are you questioning my authority?
Security, one. Asshole, zero.
I have a license to use this!
This is not a watergun!
Don't walk into a man with a loaded weapon!
Well, I guess someone has to be beaten down for something.
I knew you were a pussy!
I'm gonna crack your fuckin' head open!

If greeted

Hey, man.

If stared at

What do you want?
What the fuck do you want?
You're in trouble now!
Fuck off!
You want something?
Hey prick, got a problem?

In combat

Get some of this!
Eat my shit!
He's shooting at me!
Prick!
You, fucker!
Shithead!
Asshole!
Watch my back!
What's my name, bitch?!?
Arrgh!
Drop the firearm, now!
Diee!
You fuckin' piece of shit!
You fuckin' loser!
You're dead!
There we go!
Let's finish this!
¡Cabrón!
Let's end this asshole!
I'll kill you!
Die, you fuckin' assholes!
Oh-oh, I will end you!
You motherfucker!
¡Hijo de puta!
Screw you!
Drop your weapon!
Move on, damnit!
I don't wanna be here!
Put your hands up!
Hands where I can see them!
Shows over asshole!
Come on, give it up!
Get me outta here!
What the fuck am I doing?!?
You fuckin' idiot!
Hey, ass-face!
He's gonna kill me!
You piece of shit!
Fuck!
Who's the man?
Go to hell!
Screw you all!

If hit

Help me!

When reloading

I gotta reload!
Reload, reload!
Reloading!
I need reload, I need reload!
I'm outta fuckin' bullets, hold on!
Shit, I'm out!
I'm running outta ammo!
Reloading here!
Fuckin' slippery bullets!
I gotta reload, OK?!?Just one second!

If guard is hit

He's been hit!
He's down!
Oh, my God, Albert got shot!
Fuck, man down!
Help! Somebody's been shot!
Oh my God, he shot him!
One guard's been hit!
Fuckin' Franco just got hit!

While taking cover

Holy shit!
Find cover guys, please!
Keep behind something!
Fall back, everyone! Fall back!
Keep behind some shit!
Shit, everyone, take cover!
Keep your head down!
Holy shit, man! Hide!

If player is hidden

Oh err... I can't see him!
We've lost that fucker!
Oh, great. Where did he go?
Where did he go?
Wuf! I think he's gone!

Pulling the player out of a vehicle

Handling like a professional.
I want you out!
My ride, ni**a.
Hey, fuck you! You ain't takin' my shit!
I can't just let you take that.
Never mess with the professional.
And the training kicks in.
Oh shit. What the fuck am I doing?
This is fuckin' crazy!

Strip Club Bouncer

Michael, man! Good to see you! (when greeting Michael)
My boy Mike! Good to see you! (when greeting Michael)
Mr. De Santa! Good to see you! (when greeting Michael)
My boy Frank! Good to see you! (when greeting Franklin)
What's up, Mr. C? (when greeting Franklin)
Hey boss! How's it going, Trevor? (when greeting Trevor after the mission Hang Ten)
Mr. Philips! Hope all is well sir! (when greeting Trevor after the mission Hang Ten)
No guns allowed! (if the protagonist brandishes a gun)
Hey, hey, hey; no firearms. (if the protagonist brandishes a gun)
Hey, you enjoy yourself; alright?
Come on in.

Jamaicans

Talking to other pedestrians

What's goin' on, my dude?
Hey, you're my dude, right?
Hey what's goin' on, brother?
Yeah, what's cracking?

If scared

Oh fuck!
Shit my damn pants!
Man fuck that shit!
Motherfucker!

Construction Workers

Shocked

What in the world?!
Holy shit!
¡Dios mío!
Fuck me!

Angered

Fucking cocksucker!
You cocksucker!
Freaking motherfucker!
Stupid dick!
¡Pendejo!
Damn!
¡Cabrón!
Jerk!
¡Puta!
I'm gonna knock some sense into you!
You must want a black eye!
Scumbag!

Other Pedestrians

When witnessing crime

Look at this!
Look at that...
Wow...
You see that (laughing)...
Fuck me!
We gotta get outa here!
We gotta call the sheriff!
Holy shit, help!
Help me!
Save me!
What the hell?!
Oh fuck!
I gotta call my wife!
That shit is burning my breakfast!
What the!
What is happening?!
Fucking christ!
Oh sweet Jesus!
Oh no!
Heavens!
Jesus Christ!
I gotta post this online!
Oh dear God!
Oh my God!
Oh shit!
Christ!
No!
This is too much!
Is this a flashback?!
Jesus!
That's just wrong!
Holy shit!

When threatening a player or in combat

You piece of shit!
Go fuck your mama in pieces!
Fuck you!
You're a loser!
You're a nobody!
Why do you even exist?!
You bastard!
You fucking shit!

Shopkeepers

Los Santos Customs

When entering the store

Here for the magic touch?
What can the best mechanic in LS do for you?
What miracle did you want me to perform?
How's it going?
Ain't a better mechanic in town than me!
What's good?
Hey, there.
What brings you in today?
Best quality service in LS!
What's wrong with it now?
You here for something special?

When leaving

C'mon, don't waste my time. (If you don't buy anything)
I have other customers, you know! (If you don't buy anything)
Dick! (If you don't buy anything)
See you next time!
Bye.
Enjoy!

When a a vehicle has been repaired

All patched up!
Better than what you came in, that's for sure!
Good to go!
Better than new!

If you take a long time choosing an item

You just going to browse all day?
Just holler if you need something.
You need something?

If you attempt to choose an item that has not yet been unlocked

Sorry, it's on back order.
If we ain't got it, you don't need it!

When buying an exhaust customisation

It's like giving the finger to mother nature! Awesome!
American muscle!

When buying a questionable customisation

Is that street legal? Ah, who cares?

Buying car armour

If you're driving on Grove Street: you should be just fine!
Have you got beef with the Ballas or something?
This shit? It might stop a missile!
I'll put it like this: it ain't gonna rust, okay?
Safe as a tick on a dog's ass!
You could drive off a cliff in that!

If you try to come in with cops on you (last-gen)

I'm not accomplice material, sorry.
I do not serve felons. Sorry.

If you enter in a cop uniform

How's it going, chief?

If you constantly enter the store too much

Leave me alone!

If you manage to walk in and then brandish a gun

This ain't Ammu-Nation. Put it away.

Ammu-Nation

Ammu-Nation: protecting your second amendment.
Aw, look at you two together, what a lovely fucking couple! (when buying a gun or piece of armor)
I bet you'll want to use that the second you get out the door! (when buying a gun or piece of armor)
Holy shit! I could smell you before I could even see you, dude! (When entering the store as Trevor)
Now, you're the apocalypse I worry about, friend! (When entering the store as Trevor)
Here's a man I trust with firearms! (when entering the store as Michael)
That's good for family events! (when buying ammo)
Now that is quality right there! (when buying ammo)
These are what I like to call statement weapons! (when looking through heavier weapons)
You need a receipt? For taxes? (when buying ammo or firearms)
I don't keep a record of purchases!
Now here's what I like to see! A young man with an interest in the second amendment! (if the store is entered as Franklin)
I've got 10 bucks that says someone's up for a little drive-by tonight! (if the store is entered as Franklin)
You look like a friend of mine I accidentally shot at a party! What are the odds, huh? (when buying ammo or firearms)
This is your fight, friend!
I can't have police in here. Scram!
You gotta lose this heat, friend!
Can you come back when the fuckin' heat's died down?! Jesus!
I can't have you in here with a police escort...
You trying to get me shut down? Scram!

24/7/Rob's Liquor/Scoops Liquor Barn/LTD

Hello, welcome to my store! (Indian clerks, when entering)
Hello, you are my first customer. (Indian clerks, when entering)
Shoplifters will be prosecuted! (Indian clerks, while shoplifting)
No stealing! Not in my store! (Indian clerks, while shoplifting)
Why, hello. (Indian clerks, when entering)
I can't help you when the cops are after you! (Indian clerks, when entering the store with a wanted level)
You're a wanted individual! I cannot serve you! (Indian clerks, when entering the store with a wanted level)
I'm watching you! (Chinese clerks, when entering)
Ah, welcome. (Chinese clerks, when entering)
I cannot serve felons! Get out! (Chinese clerks, when entering the store with a wanted level)
Ah, good choice! (Chinese clerks, after buying something)
Ah, there you go! (Chinese clerks, after buying something)
Another happy customer! (after buying something)
Hey! I am watching you, thief! (Chinese clerks, while shoplifting)
This shop is popular with cops! You must leave now! (Chinese clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
You bring trouble! Please leave! (Chinese clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
Enough! Get out! No money for you! (Chinese clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
I'm not scared of you, punk! Cops are on way! Get out while you still can! (Chinese clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
No! Screw you! I'm not giving you my money! (Chinese clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Oh, no! Please! I will give you money! (Chinese clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery and story mode)
Okay, okay! Don't do anything stupid! (Chinese clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Okay, okay, I get the drill! (Chinese clerks, during a robbery in online mode)
Take it easy, I'm doing it! (Chinese clerks, during a robbery in online mode)
I can't go any faster, please! (Chinese clerks, when intimidated)
Always five minutes before I go home! (Indian clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
I just started my shift! Great! (Indian clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
Shit! I was just about to leave! (Indian clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
I'm not giving it to you! OK?! (Indian clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
No way! I'm not going to do it! (Indian clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
You know what? You don't scare me! (Indian clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
I-I'll do whatever you want! (Indian clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Okay, don't hurt me! (Indian clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Okay, okay! I don't want to die! (Indian clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Please don't use that on me! (Indian clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
There is no need to hurt me! (Indian clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Okay, okay, I'm putting money in the bag! (Indian clerks, during a robbery in online mode)
I'm doing my best! (Indian clerks, while being intimidated)
I'm hurrying! I'm hurrying! (Indian clerks, while being intimidated)
Please! I don't have any more! (Indian clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
There goes the family vacation! (Indian clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
I really need to get insurance! (Indian clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
You should be ashamed of yourself! (Indian clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
Now please, just go! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
I hope you sleep well tonight! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
No! You leave now! You have everything! Go! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
What you want now?! You have taken all the money! Piece of shit! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
What?! I have nothing left to give! You asshole! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
I assure you this happens at least once a week! (Chinese clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
This store is not your personal piggy bank! (Indian clerks, when re-entering a previously robbed store in story mode)
I got something for you alright! (Indian clerks, when pointing a shotgun at player in story mode)
I will NOT be a victim! (Indian clerks, when pointing a shotgun at player in story mode)
Just don't move for a second, okay?! (Indian clerks, when pointing a shotgun at player in story mode)
No! I remember you! You cause trouble! Get out! (When re-entering a previously robbed store in story mode)
And here comes the very first customer of the day! (Indian clerks, while entering a store in online mode)
No felons! Get the hell out of my store! (Spanish clerks, when entering the store with a wanted level)
¡Dios Mio! Already?! I just got in! (Spanish clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
I did not need this today! (Spanish clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
One way to start my day, asshole! (Spanish clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
What a way to end the day! (Spanish clerks, when the protagonist has brandished a weapon in story mode)
You don't belong back there! (Spanish clerks, if the player goes behind the counter or in the back room)
Screw you, big shot! No happening! (Spanish clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
You little peasant! I'm not giving you anything! (Spanish clerks, refusing to comply with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
No, no! What did I ever do to you?! (Spanish clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God! Why me?! (Spanish clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Please take whatever you want! (Spanish clerks, complying with the protagonist during a robbery in story mode)
Jesus, our whole day's takings! (Spanish clerks, during a robbery in online mode)
Wait, wait, wait! Don't do anything stupid! (Spanish clerks, during a robbery in online mode)
I think I pissed myself! (Spanish clerks, while being intimidated)
That weapon in my face is not helping! (Spanish clerks, while being intimidated)
If I see your face in here again... (Spanish clerks, after being robbed in online mode)
What you gonna do about this?! (Spanish clerks, armed while the protagonist commits a robbery)
Take it easy! (Spanish clerks, while being intimidated)
I've got nothing more to give! (Spanish clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
Spare me, por favor! (Spanish clerks, after being robbed in story mode)
You've cleaned me out! (Spanish clerks, after being robbed in story mode)

Barber Shops

Herr Kutz Barber/O'Sheas Barbers Shop/Beach Combover Barber/Hair on Hawick

Why hello there! Have a seat!
Have a seat, I will take care of you, honey.
What do you have in mind?
This is some of my best work yet!
Oh, it's fine. Yup.
This is going to look so good!
Hmmm... There it is, I think.
Now where are my glasses? Oh, haha, it should be fine.
Come back anytime!
Thanks for stoppin' by.
What a BITCH!
Oh, God!
What the hell?!
What the?!
Please no!
No!!
What?! Don't shoot!
Oh, my God!

Bob Mulét

Bye bye, beautiful! (after cutting hair)
That was fun. See you around. (after cutting hair)
I love the outfit you have on today. Gorgeous! (when cutting hair)
What's your scent? I'm in love with it. (when cutting hair)
Come in, have a seat.
Shall we... begin?

Tattoo Parlors

Asshole! (when causing trouble inside the store)
Hey there, ready for some inky pain? (when entering the store)
Hi, uh... we don't do butterflies on the ankle! (when entering the store)
Whoa, a V.I.P customer. I was told to look after you. (when entering the store)
Later. (when leaving)
Be good. (when leaving)
I'm using this money for drugs!
Thanks. I need the cash.
Come see us again!
Hope you like that.
Yep, looks good.
I do gang stuff too if you need it!
I went to art school. Real clean work.
Maybe a naked lady tattoo today?
Can't go wrong with any of these.
Can't go wrong with that.
I do oil on canvas, you know? Besides cock piercings.
Tell your friends where you got that.
That's art, right there.
That's... a masterpiece. I'm good.
You took that well.
Some of my pieces have been in magazines.
The guy before you had a naked picture of his mom, done on his arm!
How about, a tear drop, by the eye? Make you look hard...

Clothes Store Clerks

Binco/Discount Store

So, you're uhh... looking for stuff. (when entering)
Hope you find it, I guess.
Uhh, you see anything you like?
Did somebody say something?
Looking for anything special?
It's like, awesome stuff everywhere.
What?
Hope you find whatever it is that you're... looking for?
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought...
Yeah, just... have a look around, it's okay.
Enjoy. (when buying something)
Cool. (when buying something)
Okay, we're all done, I think. (when buying something)
All good. (when buying something)
We're done here. (when buying something)
Good choice. (when buying something)
All yours. (when buying something)
Uh, okay. (when buying something)
Hasta... (when leaving)
Lates... (when leaving)

Suburban

Why does someone always come in as soon as I was about to take a break? (when entering the store)
There you are, go crazy. (when buying an item from the shop)
Hope you don't regret it. (when buying an item from the shop)
Maybe it will suit you one day. (when buying an item from the shop)
I like that one. (when browsing)
That's really nice. (when browsing)
That's a good price. (when browsing)
Welcome to the most exciting store in San Andreas. (when entering the store)
No, please! Don't do anything stupid! (when threatened with a firearm)
Please take whatever you want, just don't hurt me! (when threatened inside store)
Oh my god! (when threatened inside store)
Oh no! (when threatened inside store)
Help me! (when threatened inside store)

Ponsonbys

Are you going to buy anything? (when staying inside the shop for too long)
Either buy something, or leave! (when staying inside the shop for too long)
We... don't have a returns policy.
Take as long as you like... (when browsing)
We appreciate your business.
There you go, thank you.
Make sure you come back. (when leaving)
Bye, enjoy your purchase. (when leaving)
This isn't your clubhouse! (when stepping on top of furniture)
The police are after you, now get out of here! (when wanted)
I don't want to get shot. (If threatened with a firearm)
Oh, God. Don't shoot! (if threatened with a firearm)
Good God! (if threatened with a firearm)

References

Michael De Santa's quotes
Trevor Phillips' quotes
Police and NOOSE quotes
Sheriff's quotes

v• d •e Grand Theft Auto dialogues by game

GTA 2 \| GTA III \| GTA Vice City \| GTA San Andreas \| GTA Advance \| GTA Liberty City Stories \| GTA Vice City Stories \| GTA IV \| GTA Chinatown Wars \| GTA V

Hey You Stop Drawing That Crap

Source: https://gta.fandom.com/wiki/Dialogues_in_GTA_V

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